Somethings to ponder on and pray about, from Matthew Henry's Self examination before ordination:
Questions:
- What am I?
- What have I done?
- From what principles do I act in this undertaking?
- What are the ends that I aim at in this undertaking?
- What do I want?
- What are my purpose and resolutions for the future?
Have I a real hatred of every sin, in myself as well as in others? Have I no beloved lust which I would have spared, no darling corruption which I would have to remain unmortified? Doth sin appear sin in my eyes, and can I say with David, that ‘I hate every false way?’ Are the remainders of indwell-ing corruption a burden to me? Do I long to be rid of sin? Are my resolutions sincere and my endeavours serious against sin, and all appearances of it, and that because it is against God?
Have I a real love to holiness? Do I press after it, and earnestly desire to be more holy, using holy ordinances for this end, that I may be made thereby more and more holy? Am I fond of holy ordinances and holy people, and that because they are holy? Have I a real value for holiness wherever I see it? Do I delight in God’s holy word, and that because it is holy? Do I call the holy sabbath a delight, and that because it is holy? Do I love the brethren because they are holy, and love them the better the more holy they are? Do I long to be made perfect in holiness in that other world?
What a great deal of precious time I have trifled away and misspent in folly and vanity, and things that do not profit. Time is a precious talent which my Master hath entrusted me with, and yet how long hath it been buried, and how much hath it run waste?
How many precious opportunities (which are the cream of time) have I lost and not improved through my own carelessness. Golden seasons of grace which I have enjoyed, but have let them slip, and been little bettered by them; sabbaths, sermons, sacraments that have come and gone, and left me as they found me. My fruit hath not been answerable to the soil I have been planted in. How often have I been ignorant under enlightening means; hard and cold under softening and warming ordinances, trifling and careless when I have been dealing with God about the concerns of my soul and eternity?
How often have I broken my covenants with God, my engagements, promises, and resolutions of new and better obedience, resolved against this and that sin, and yet fallen into it again; many a time returning to folly, after God hath spoken peace to me, and after I have spoken promises to God. Presently after a sacrament, how have I returned to former vanity, folly, sensuality, frothiness, to former pride, passion, and worldliness; so soon have I forgot the vows of God!
How unprofitable have I been in my converse with others; how few have been the better for me; how many the worse for me; how little good have I done; how little light have I cast in the sphere wherein God hath placed me; how little have I been concerned for the souls of others; and how little useful have I been to them. How vain and light have I been many times in my words and carriage, going down the stream of folly with others, when my seriousness might have stemmed the tide. How seldom hath my speech been with grace, and how often with corruption; not seasoned with salt.
Cleanse thou me, O God, from my secret sins; have mercy upon me, O God, according to thy loving-kindness, and according to the multitude of thy tender mercies, blot out all my transgressions, for the sake of the Lord my righteousness.
I hope I can say, that I act herein from a principle of real love to precious souls, for the good of which I would gladly spend and be spent. Me-thinks I love the precious souls of men so well, that I would fain be an instrument of convincing the unconvinced, converting the unconverted, and building up saints in holiness and comfort. I hope I know so much of the worth of souls, that I should think it a greater happiness to gain one soul to the Lord Jesus Christ, than to gain mountains of silver and gold to myself.
That God would open a door of opportunity to me, and make my way plain before me, that the call I have to my work may be clear and satisfying, and that God would bless and succeed my endeavours for the good of souls.
I purpose and resolve that, by the grace of God, I will abound more than ever in all manner of gospel obedience; that I will strive to be more humble, serious, and watchful, and self-denying, and live more above the world and the things of it; that I will pray with more life, and read the scriptures with more care, and not be slothful in business, but fervent in spirit, serving the Lord that I will abound in good discourse, as I have ability and opportunity with prudence; endeavouring as much as I can ‘to adorn the doctrine of God my Saviour in all things.'
1 comments:
=) I'm so glad you actually read this!!
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