Thoughts at EA...爱面子的中国人

"You cannot find or receive yourself through success, because you lose your head over pride. And you cannot receive yourself through the monotony Of your daily life, because you give in to complaining. The only way to find yourself is in the fires of sorrow."- my utmost for his highest Yesterday I was thinking about writing a post, giving in to complain about the "monotony of my daily life" here in my hometown, at my grandpas place... most of my childhood friends and classmates are in a different part of town, about an hour away. Although I met with them for a meal last Friday and played Werewolf (for real, with werewolf cards, at a 桌游bar, literally a place where people meet to play group games/table games/majiang/cards), we didn't really plan anything for this week, and the girls also don't want to travel to the mountains or other tourist places around here... I was hoping to stay at my childhood best friends'home this week, but for she told me different reasons to delay... Like her home is messy and they need to clean it, like her dad is home and she need to ask him, etc. So, been the kind of slow person I am, didn't understand that she was trying to tell me to not stay with her. As of this morning, I was still hoping that she would reply me with when I can go....but after talking with my parents, I finally understood the second layer meaning of all this. Maybe my friend would like me to stay with her, but it's not up to her, it's up to her parents. I thought her parents have always been friendly to me, they were my parents coworkers and good friends for a long time.. But alas, friendship here, is not that simple. If a friend here gives you something, its most likely because he/she expects something back, expect future connection. In my case, I stayed with my friend at her home last year, at that time she has never been abroad before and was preparing for GRE, thinking about applying to american grad schools. But this year, she went to Europe for a short internship, and already decided to stay here for grad school, perhaps go to Europe sometime for studies. So, perhaps to her parents, I'm not really helpful to their daughter anymore, and hence, they don't want to spend extra electricity (for AC),water, gas and food money... Although I wouldn't mind paying them for my stay there, they of course wouldn't accept it. It's all about 面子，people are proud and they want to save face. They wouldnt out rightly reject you, but go about other ways to say no. Ah, I would rather prefer honesty, than this way of uncertainty... Looking at the bigger picture, who isnt selfish, who isn't proud? We are by nature sinful, only the Lord can transform us into new creations and give us new purpose in life. We are not here to best serve ourselves, but for our God. People here needs to hear the gospel, otherwise it's such a cruel and selfish environment... And it's a vicious cycle, innocent children are turning into the adults who they have once disliked for their selfish or immoral actions... No escape from the slavery of sin except through Christ! Praying to be forgiving and loving to others here, to not judge them, to be grateful for their little acts of kindness and for their time, and praying for them to have a desire to change, to know about god. Few more days till I'm back on US ground, looking forward to it